I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts Workbook Lesson 281
But someone else with a different interpretation of the situation may not find it upsetting; may even be glad of it, since as the proverb says, what is meat to one man is another man's poison. Like beauty, outrage is in the mind of the beholder. If you can be surprised or disturbed by anything that happens, it must be that you already had a model in your mind of how things are or should be, and do not like having to adjust to new developments. You must want someone to behave in a particular way, if you are shocked or grieved when they do something else. You must have made assumptions about what happiness and safety should look like. First we establish the conditions we want people and events to fulfil, then we compare what seems to be happening with our hopes or expectations, then we react accordingly, plotting our feelings on an imaginary scale between grievance and triumph.
You think you hold against your brother what he has done to you. But what you really blame him for is what you did to him Text 17 VII 8.2
What you have done to him (or her) is impose your judgements and your wishful thinking as a barrier between you. If you can be disgusted or saddened it must be more important to maintain your ‘standards’ and ‘values’ (read: self-image) than to communicate love to another being. By love I do not necessarily mean indulgence, submission or even agreement. By communicate I do not necessarily mean saying or doing anything. But every impulse of the mind is binary in that it may fork towards either love or fear, appreciation or aversion. Each of us runs a labyrinth of just these two choices every minute of every day.
What you have done to him (or her) is impose your judgements and your wishful thinking as a barrier between you. If you can be disgusted or saddened it must be more important to maintain your ‘standards’ and ‘values’ (read: self-image) than to communicate love to another being. By love I do not necessarily mean indulgence, submission or even agreement. By communicate I do not necessarily mean saying or doing anything. But every impulse of the mind is binary in that it may fork towards either love or fear, appreciation or aversion. Each of us runs a labyrinth of just these two choices every minute of every day.
It is how we adversely interpret people and situations that causes us pain. Resistance to this simple self-awareness is considerable, but the Course points out that this is the shortcut, even the only way, out of frustration and helplessness. While we still seem to have very little control over events and cannot dictate other people’s choices, we can begin by changing our own. No one else can change our minds for us, but by changing our minds we free everyone else along with us; for if no one is offended, no one has offended.
The power of decision is your one remaining freedom as a prisoner of this world. You can decide to see it right. Text 12 VII 9
The power of decision is your one remaining freedom as a prisoner of this world. You can decide to see it right. Text 12 VII 9
