Obviously we don't get what we want, or we would all have
villas in Spain
or (insert here your personal vision of paradise). We get what we don't want,
didn't ask for: shocks and losses, disappointment, boredom. My grandfather had
a gaunt old housekeeper - Mabel - who spent her days, and years, alone in the
kitchen and scullery. She used to intone mournfully, though there was only my
mother as a child to hear her - "I do wish something exciting would happen!" As far as I know, it never did.
But more of us have learned more since then about the power
of making decisions and the freedom of the mind. While you believe that you are
a victim of circumstances, that is the reality you will experience. Even when
external conditions are difficult, even when you seem to have little choice,
still what you make of a situation is up to you. (Many people these days would
say 'down to you.' I prefer 'up to you'. See what I mean? You have more choice in
how you think than you may have noticed.)
In a world in which everything is limited, everything
changes and everything comes to an end sooner or later, as individuals we are
not in control of what happens, to us or anyone else. But our thoughts have an
immediate effect on how we feel, and how we feel in turn affects how we behave
and how we experience events. Imagine saying to yourself over and over, 'I
can't have what I want.' How is that likely to make you feel? Discouraged.
Compare it with repeatedly saying to yourself, 'I can have what I want.' That will
perk you up. Exciting! I would hazard a pretty strong guess that Mabel believed
she could not have what she wanted.
I am not talking about looking on the bright side, jollying
yourself along, pulling up your socks or whatever else is drooping. It is a fact
that you can have what you want, even though admittedly your options may at times
reduce you to choosing between a rock and hard place. You can choose to want
what you have. Then you have what you want. This is not a wangle, it is the
transformative power of willingness. When you decide to embrace rather than
reject, your mind somersaults into another point of view entirely. Embrace, not
sadly resign yourself. When you begin to believe that you can have what you
want, your mind shifts to a new position, and now begins to ask new questions.
Instead of 'Why (is this happening to me)?' or 'How (did I get myself into this
mess)?' it asks 'So, given the situation as I see it, what do I want?'
It takes great
learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances
are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree
of reality should be accorded them in this world of illusion (M4 1 A 4.5).
What is the opportunity for you in these circumstances or in
this relationship? If you believe that fate, or karma, or your genetic makeup,
or God has inflicted your experience on you, then you will interpret
'opportunity' as 'some lesson I am being coerced into learning', or in other
words, 'I am being punished.' And you will conclude, 'I can't have what I
want.' You will know that you have discovered the sense of opportunity, the
power of choice, the realisation that you can have what you want, when you feel
energy flow in you again, even an uprising of joy.
"Give up what you
do not want, and keep what you do." How simple is the obvious! (M4 1 A
6.6)
What you want will always turn out to be something
intangible. Very often you can have what you want in material terms, especially
in our increasingly wealthy world. We have more choice than ever before, as far
as variety of food, clothing, places to live or visit, activities to do, things
to possess, people to meet are concerned. But what you truly want is always
more than any physical form can supply.
Do you want happiness,
a quiet mind, a certainty of purpose, and a sense of worth and beauty that
transcends the world? Do you want care and safety, and the warmth of sure
protection always? Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed, a
gentleness that never can be hurt, a deep abiding comfort, and a rest so
perfect it can never be upset?(W122)
Since what you really want is a state of mind and an
experience of being, and the mind is unlimited in what it can conceive, you can
have what you want. It takes focus. It takes homing in on what feels like peace
and joy, love and gratitude, and not settling for less. Resignation, constraint
or obligation, or actual dismay are not what you want. Give them up, and keep
what you do want. Have I said this already, recently? - in any case, we would
do well to keep saying it to ourselves - You
do not ask too much of life, but far too little (W133 2)
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